Sleepless in the Summit

Latest movie. Starring me.

I am sleepless. And I live in the Summit. 

Do I have expectations that are too high? Do I not see me as the world sees me? Do I flat out just live in the wrong city?

These are the questions that keep me up at night. 

Please. Ponder. Discuss and get back to me. 

Dating is Harder than Nailing Jello to a Tree

Dating is an adventure.

All my married friends tell me what a great catch I am. Maybe they wouldn't think so if they were single.

I had a first/last date the other night. He was 20 minutes late - ON PURPOSE - so that he could try to check me out BEFORE we met. Well I arrived early so he missed his opportunity to see me walk from the parking lot. He wanted to see what I looked like. I lost respect for him before the date even started.

We are adults. If I was an unattractive slob and he wasn't attracted to me, we can still have a drink and a decent conversation right? No harm done. Many of the men I have met lately have the "all or nothing" mentality. They either want to jump in bed or a serious relationship or want to exit the building ASAP. I want neither option.

I am not usually instantly attracted to a man because honestly what I am attracted to comes with time spent with the person. Sense of humor, smile, eyes....those are the things that give me butterflies in my stomach if there is such a thing. Not an overly good-looking man that is all talk. If I wanted a used-car salesman, I would go to a used-car lot.

I think I may need to go back to nailing jello to a tree. Maybe easier in the long run.

Deal Breakers

There has been a lot of talk about "deal breakers" lately. I am not sure why it keeps coming up in conversation, but it does. A deal breaker is something that I can't live with; a characteristic or preference that I just cannot accept in a potential significant other.

Everybody has them  - whether they admit it or not. One friend says that big hands with bad fingernails is a deal breaker for her. Today a guy friend from college gave me every scenario possible to help identify my deal breakers. I decided I needed to blog about this topic so I never forget my deal breakers.

My top 10 in no particular order - except for the first one.

1. Bad kisser. First on the list because I like kissing and a bad kiss is a complete turn off. I don't want to feel like I am making out with a dead fish.

2. Cheap. I am not talking about extravagant gifts. I am referring to not tipping a waitress well. Or complaining all the time about how much cable costs. Or never buying me a drink. Or not being philanthropic - seriously who doesn't give money to help sick kids or animal shelters?

3. Mullets, missing teeth, nasty mustaches and smoking. All non-negotiable.

4. Wears wife beaters. Why would you do that? And let me guess you have a waterbed and a pet alligator too.

5. Weighs less than me. No gal wants to feel like Large Marge around their man.

6. Wears Affliction shirts from The Buckle. Clear indicator that a mid-life crisis is around the corner.

7. Uses the word "lover." Ick. Never do I want to be referred to as your lover. Ever.

8.  Drugs. Never done them myself and don't want to be around it. I want to be the high you crave.

9. Sends me to check out the noise downstairs. Every girl wants a man's man when it comes to creepy noises. Sending me downstairs to check it out makes me wonder why I would want you.

10. No sense of humor. This is a big one. Life is too short not to laugh. I want inside jokes with my guy.

Planting seeds

A very wise woman told me recently that we may not see the fruits of our efforts to help others, but that we are planting seeds that will take root, grow and live on in the future.

Think about people in your life that invested in you, helped you, supported you...believed in you. Who were they? Where are they now?

I think of the man who taught me how to tie my shoes when I was a toddler using the bunny ear method. My mom who prayed for me and all my friends without me every knowing she was doing it. Or the college professor who's passion inspired me to study English. And my Godmother who let me "run away from home" to her. Or my dad who didn't talk about hard work ethic–he lived it.

I hope and pray that I am successfully planting seeds for my foster-daughters. They are beautiful, complicated, hurt, hopeful, sad and excited. I hope the seeds I plant in them are fruitful–manners, respect, kindness, honesty, forgiveness. And that they bloom.

One more time

Everyone experiences heartbreak; there is no escaping it. We experience heartbreak in hopes of an end.

One more time.

It is amazing how resilient the heart is. It forgives, forgets, loves again.

One more time.

Memory. The heart has a memory. It takes longer to heal with each heartbreak.

One more time.

Until it is no more.

Sacrifice

Sacrifice.
There is power in the word sacrifice.
It's my 2015 word. And it is a hard one for me.

My word last year was shine. It was uplifting, encouraging...happy!

Sacrifice is humbling. It is stoic and bold and scary.

Jesus made the greatest sacrifice of all. It almost seems silly for me to choose such a word. How do my sacrifices even come close to the one He made? Truth is they don't and they won't.

I sometimes feel empty and alone when I make a sacrifice–which is not the point of it at all. I should be thankful for the opportunity and well-being to make one. I should feel blessed and filled up with joy, love.

People around me every day make sacrifices. I wonder if they think about it beforehand or if it just happens. Do they regret it after?

Do I just not understand the true meaning of sacrifice or am I intensely conflicted?

Sacrificing will be a journey for me...with twists and turns and upsets.

I want sacrifice to be part of my story.

Letting go

I saw a quote today that gave me the reality check I needed. It said, "I think of the trees and how they let go."

I often try to take a hard look at myself. Who am I? How do others see me? Am I light or am I dark?

I know who I want to be. But that doesn't really matter does it? Perception is reality.  

Truly, I need to let go of my mistakes. Let go of those who pull me down. Let go of others expectations of me. Let go of living my life to please others. 

Letting go of these things will free me up to live the life God wants me to live. Letting go of the noise will free me up to hear His voice. 

Story board

I never want a man to be my story and for me to only be sentence to him.

I want to be someone's story. It's one thing to be wanted. It's another thing to be someone that another cannot live without.

Vodka and the Green Lady Lounge

Sometimes a girl just needs vodka. And the Green Lady Lounge. With a girlfriend.

When life hands you a lemon. Call your best girl. Tell her the need for vodka to flow in you. And let her take you to the Green Lady Lounge.

When the stars are not aligned. Do not fear. The Green Lady Lounge awaits.

When the last guy you kissed is now kissing another. Green. Lady. Lounge.

When it is time to move on. Green...Lady....Lounge.

Happiness is hair salon on a Tuesday

At the salon getting my hair done. 

No phones are ringing. 

Music is good. 

Catching up on social media. 

Pondering whether to cut my hair off. 

Glancing at magazines on stand. 

A fun, sassy, fresh look may be just what I need. 

I also need ability to wear ponytail. 

Glad I ate a protein bar on the way over here or I would be hungry and would probably cut my hair short. 

Protein bars save lives. 

And she let it be so.

And she let it be so.

I see power in these words.

     And SHE let it be so.
          And she LET it be so.
               And she let IT be so.
                    And she let it BE so.
                         And she let it be SO.

Just picture the woman we are talking about here. She has a sophisticated way about her. Proud, but not too proud. Humble. Inner strength that perhaps goes unnoticed. She's savvy. She can walk away if needed. She's also dependable. I like her. Women everywhere want to emulate her.

She has a gift. She has the will, the ability, the intelligence, the grace, the edge...
     to let people, places and things go....
          if they no longer suit her
               and she does not look back.
                   
She embraces life and the choices she makes.

Mom

This Sunday is Mother's Day.

I miss my mom.

Pieces of her:

I loved that she called me "Sweets."
She always asked me to do her hair when I was home.
According to her my eyes are my best feature and I shouldn't always have glasses on my face.
The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus still came into my late 30s.
I absolutely loved road-tripping with her.
She cried with me when I learned I could not have children.
Her novels are amazing and deserve to be published.
She took me to get my eyebrows waxed when I was 13-years old and I am still having it done!
She encouraged me to never settle.
She sang to me and my sister every night when we were little.
I cherish and miss our daily phone calls.
My mom was a strong Christian woman.
She talked with her hands.
She gave me a sister.
She lost her parents on the same day.
She was an extraordinary teacher - in the classroom and at home.
She made home-made play-doh and melted our crayon stubs to make new ones.
She visited me in Kansas City - even when I lived in a "shit hole."
Her laugh was contagious.
Her grand-kids were the center of her world.
She made sure we got a new doll every Christmas.
She loved licorice.

My mom - a blessing to many! I look forward to seeing her again some day. Until then, I hope others see her kindness and grace through me.

A brave heart

I want a brave heart.

I see flashes of a brave heart in me at times. Maybe I am growing a brave heart. Many of my friends have brave hearts. They put themselves out in the dating world and go for it. Admirable really.

I step out there once in awhile. I do. Then I withdraw. Repeat. But I noticed that my withdrawal periods get longer and longer. My heart is tired.

I have put this in God's hands. I am going to be still. I am waiting to find the man God has created just for me. This guy will be so focused on God that the only reason he looks up and sees me is because God tells him, "there she is."

My brave heart comes from knowing that God is control.

Insomnia insights

It's12:13 am on December 1, 2013. I am awake because I don't sleep through the night anymore. I love sleep. This is killing me softly. The other night my sister gave me prayer requests "since I wake up a lot" and she knows I pray when I am awake and cannot sleep.

Since my blog is called Randoms, I thought I should post during this sleepless night. What random thoughts occur when I can't sleep? Probably nothing brilliant or earth shattering. Most likely more brutally honest thoughts straight from the heart.

To all the people with moms still on earth -
Call them every day or at least a few times a week. I called mine every day on the way to work and I miss our talks. I know the advice they sometimes give is unwanted or the support you seek is not always shared, but I learned that sometimes moms have an internal struggle going on inside themselves when you are hurting or making a big decision. They want to fix your problems, they don't want to see you make same mistakes they did and most of all they want to protect you. Moms want the best for us even though they aren't always the best to us.

Runaway

I WANT TO RUN AWAY...
             but where would I go?

I feel trapped. That is the best word I can come up with to describe the pit in my stomach coupled with my inner struggle of wanting to run far, far away or just climbing in bed and hiding for a long while.

Believe

BElieve was the theme of this year's Women of Faith Conference. It was the God reality check that I needed right now.

The first night the speaker, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke to us (7,000 women) about dealing with conflict. Insightful.

Conflict occurs when we feel exposed or opposed. Of course - the feelings that accompany conflict need to go somewhere; in form of a reaction.

4 Types or Reactions to Conflict:

1. The Exploder.
The Exploder blames others. It is OK to address the issues at hand, but don't attack. We have a moment to choose our reaction. We need to        capture the moment and pause before reacting.

2. The Exploder that Shames Himself.
During this reaction, the person asks himself, "What is my problem?" Bring the issue into perspective in the brief moment before the reaction.

3. The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
This person will back off a relationship when there is a conflict and build a wall or barrier.  If this is your common reaction to conflict, you must establish boundaries and let go of pretending you are fine; everything is fine.

4. Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks.
This reaction want to prove he/she is right and should ask himself, "Am I proving that I am right or am I improving a relationship?"

Our world would be a better place of we ALL just took the brief moment we are given before our reaction and paused and put the issue in front of us into perspective...took a deep breath, thought about our reaction, asked for God's help...AND THEN reacted.

BFF

I miss my BFF.

Let me tell you how we met - it is so us. We both lived in Chestnut Hills apartments. My mom called it a shit hole, but I loved it. It was quiet, it felt safe and it was cheap. My rent 15 years ago when I moved to Kansas City was $385 a month!

One day in the fine establishment where we lived (complete exaggeration) - there was a blackout in the middle of the day - in the summer - on a weekend. You may think this is not a big deal. It is when all residents must exit the building (tower) using the fire escape and most residents are on oxygen (which they are no longer able to use due to lack of electricity) and too old to use the fire escape.

The girl across the hall and I open our doors at the same time and literally bumped into each other. Hi. I am Krista. I'm Stacie. Want to go to Target? Yes. And friendship at first site.

We passed all of the hot firemen in the dark hallway helping the geriatrics get to the fire escape to head to Target. We wandered our favorite store in the air conditioning, bought flip-flops for the apartment pool that only we used and headed back to our apartment building fast friends.

15 years later she is married with three kids and I am single again. We have been through a lot together over the years. I miss being able to walk across the hall and talk to her at any time. Chestnut Hills was indeed a shit hole, but it will always hold a special place in my heart because of the the dear friend I met there.

Another one bites the dust.

So I went on a few dates with the same guy. And now it is over.

But I am not sad.  First of all I ended it - but most importantly, I saw the red flags and didn't try to fix him or the relationship...I just let it go.

I wish him well. I didn't let enough time to go on to be invested. I wish I could have learned this 20 years ago. I am truly trying to live my 2013 word - COMPASSION with boundaries. I am not here to fix or take on everyone I want to be in a relationship with. I only need to decide if I want to accept them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship and if I want them to be an integral part of my life.

This is a beautiful thing.

Dating is for the birds.

Over the years I have read the following books:
Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus
He's Just Not That Into You
The Secret
Men Love Bitches
....and more I am sure

I could write a book. Not that it would be helpful in any way as far as advice goes, but I do think it would make single women in their 40s breathe a sigh of relief that they are not alone in this craziness married people refer to as "dating" on our behalf. There are so many people/magazines/tv shows/etc. giving so many pieces of different advice on what to do and not do on dates and in relationships that I can't tell if the men I meet are dysfunctional because they just are or because of all the bad advice they receive:

Wait 3 days to call after the date. Text 20 times or not interested. Texting 20 times in a day means he is a stalker. Talking to his ex-wife means he is healthy. Talking to his ex-wife means he still wants to be with her. Pay for your own first date. Pay if you ask him to meet you. Don't pay, it's offensive. He needs to make plans with you at least 4 days in advance. Don't answer the phone on the first ring.

WHO MADE UP THESE RULES? DID THEY SERIOUSLY WORK FOR YOU?

Here's my advice. Get on your knees. Ask God for what you really want. Describe in detail the partner you want in your life. And thank Him for creating such a person for you.

My Peace video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY - See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf



 I wrote this piece on PEACE for a sermon series (my idea) and my talented friend, Steve Grimm, created the video. Very therapeutic. Everyone should choose a word for the year. And I encourage you to find inner peace. It is a journey. A life long journey that is worth the trip. I have a long way to go, but my steps have been deliberate and freeing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.LALxZAPt.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.LALxZAPt.dpuf