Ask And You Shall Receive

The last serious relationship I was in ended badly... to say the least.

I was in love. Perhaps the notion that I was in love with the idea of being in love is probably more accurate. It was my first relationship since my mom died and my divorce.  I thought this man was a gift. There were red flags. I tend to be attracted to the broken. But I would love him more! So I said a prayer each night to God: if this is not the man for me - show me; take him away. God had to show me BIG. Nothing small would do. One day He walked me right over to the man's house and I walked in on him having "relations" with a married women. I left. Got in my car and right then and there thanked God for showing me what I needed to know.

God has taken care of me since then too. Just tonight I was at happy hour and met Dan. Dan was handsome (beautiful blue eyes) and charming. We talked for awhile and then it was time for him to go and he didn't ask for my number. He did ask if I'd be at October Fest later in the evening, but not for my contact information. I was a little disappointed; I thought we connected.  As soon as he left, Ron, a regular, asked what I thought of Dan. I told him that I had just met him. Ron asked if I gave him my number and I replied that I had not. Ron told me that Dan had severe anger issues and gave me examples of situations he had witnessed. Relief came over me. Again, I thanked God that he protected me from another potentially bad situation.

So for infinity and beyond: God, if this man is not for me, show me; take him away.

Peace on earth

Each year instead of a New Year's Resolution I choose a word; a word I try to live by, achieve, pray about, desire for myself. October is around the corner. I reflect on my 2012 word.

Peace.

Inner peace. Peace with God. Peace with myself. Peace of mind.

One thing I have learned these past few years is that when I select a word - God makes me work for it; 2010 was cleanse and 2011 was joy. I misplaced my joy and learned a hard lesson last year. I tried to find joy through another human being instead of through God first and then myself. Not only did I fall hard, I kept going back for more. There was no joy until I figured out where unconditional love really comes from and that is the only place true joy really exists.

 As for peace, I am curious to see how the year will end. I tend to have high expectations, be full of hope and have full-on faith about relationships, job stuff, friendships...all things really... and then get really disappointed by someone or something and crash. This does not bring inner peace. I love my faith in people and love is always restored, but my heart is getting tired.

I am letting go, letting God, and letting peace of mind take over. He has a plan for me. And it is good.

Sleeping single in a double bed

I think I had Barbara Mandrell's 8-track with that song on it in the 70's. Sleeping single in a double bed. I had no idea what I was singing. Barbara was my hero. And my first concert.

Now I know what that means...yes I do. 

When I was married I slept on the right side of the bed. I don't remember why. Maybe he preferred the left? Is the man supposed to be closer to the door for safety? Funny how I was the one to check out the noises. Now I sleep on the left side. I am still checking out the noises.  Actually - to be honest I sleep diagonally. I take up the whole bed.

Why not?

I think for the right man I can shut the diagonal off...and sleep in the middle.

swimsuit envy

Today I went to Blue Springs Beach off Lakewood Boulevard. I wasn't aware Blue Springs had a beach!?!

It is Labor Day and it is the first time all summer that I put on swimsuit (yikes!). Why the fear? Why the trepidation? Let's all swim in pants! I saw it today. Actually I saw lots today. I am not feeling as bad about the swimsuit issue.

Too bad it's Labor Day and all the pools and lakes are now closed for the year just as I got my courage.  I will try to start earlier next year and maybe do a few sit-ups.

I'd stop the world and melt with you.

My want ad.

A man of character. True to himself and true to others.
Sense of humor. Abilty to laugh at himself and belly laugh with me. I mean really laugh.
Smile. I want to catch him smiling for no reason. And I want my face to hurt from smiling because of him.
Christian. A man to walk with me in my faith. Lead me at times. Follow me at other times. Pray with me at all times.


...maybe U2 says it best, "I still haven't found what I am looking for..."

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Have you ever met someone and thought I should be with him?

And to your instant displeasure you find out he is dating someone else? Ugh. This has recently happened to me. I met this charming man, felt an instant attraction and then learned he was dating someone. I went on my way. It has been weeks and I can't stop thinking about him. 

Is it because he is with another? Maybe. But I don't think so. 

The other three women that were with me when I met him noticed the connection too. But did he?

Respectful me says leave it alone. Sassy me says call it out; make him at least think about options. Hopeful me thinks my friends will help. Silly me thinks Matt should just come to his senses himself.

Sassy and Silly prevail. 

I'll have what she's having...

Can men and women be friends?

I'd like to think so. One of my all time favorite movies is When Harry Met Sally and they debate that question throughout the entire movie. Some of my favorite friends over the years have been men. They are honest creatures....when they communicate. And they can get away with saying a lot more than women can...especially if they smell good.

There is a double standard, but I will be the first to admit that I can take "you looked better without the bangs" from a guy probably better than from some gals. Why is that?

I love my girlfriends. I cherish them. But there are times that I wish I had more guy friends. Guy friends that I knew for sure would never want to be more than friends. And that wouldn't ditch me as soon as they fell in love. I want to go to sporting events with them. And ask them the same questions I ask my girlfriends and hear the different advice they would give me.

This all only happens in the movies, right?

Yes - I suppose men and women can be friends.





(When they are married and both husbands like both wives, at least one has a grill to BBQ, and they all golf, and have matching Hawaiian shirts)