Dating is Harder than Nailing Jello to a Tree

Dating is an adventure.

All my married friends tell me what a great catch I am. Maybe they wouldn't think so if they were single.

I had a first/last date the other night. He was 20 minutes late - ON PURPOSE - so that he could try to check me out BEFORE we met. Well I arrived early so he missed his opportunity to see me walk from the parking lot. He wanted to see what I looked like. I lost respect for him before the date even started.

We are adults. If I was an unattractive slob and he wasn't attracted to me, we can still have a drink and a decent conversation right? No harm done. Many of the men I have met lately have the "all or nothing" mentality. They either want to jump in bed or a serious relationship or want to exit the building ASAP. I want neither option.

I am not usually instantly attracted to a man because honestly what I am attracted to comes with time spent with the person. Sense of humor, smile, eyes....those are the things that give me butterflies in my stomach if there is such a thing. Not an overly good-looking man that is all talk. If I wanted a used-car salesman, I would go to a used-car lot.

I think I may need to go back to nailing jello to a tree. Maybe easier in the long run.

Deal Breakers

There has been a lot of talk about "deal breakers" lately. I am not sure why it keeps coming up in conversation, but it does. A deal breaker is something that I can't live with; a characteristic or preference that I just cannot accept in a potential significant other.

Everybody has them  - whether they admit it or not. One friend says that big hands with bad fingernails is a deal breaker for her. Today a guy friend from college gave me every scenario possible to help identify my deal breakers. I decided I needed to blog about this topic so I never forget my deal breakers.

My top 10 in no particular order - except for the first one.

1. Bad kisser. First on the list because I like kissing and a bad kiss is a complete turn off. I don't want to feel like I am making out with a dead fish.

2. Cheap. I am not talking about extravagant gifts. I am referring to not tipping a waitress well. Or complaining all the time about how much cable costs. Or never buying me a drink. Or not being philanthropic - seriously who doesn't give money to help sick kids or animal shelters?

3. Mullets, missing teeth, nasty mustaches and smoking. All non-negotiable.

4. Wears wife beaters. Why would you do that? And let me guess you have a waterbed and a pet alligator too.

5. Weighs less than me. No gal wants to feel like Large Marge around their man.

6. Wears Affliction shirts from The Buckle. Clear indicator that a mid-life crisis is around the corner.

7. Uses the word "lover." Ick. Never do I want to be referred to as your lover. Ever.

8.  Drugs. Never done them myself and don't want to be around it. I want to be the high you crave.

9. Sends me to check out the noise downstairs. Every girl wants a man's man when it comes to creepy noises. Sending me downstairs to check it out makes me wonder why I would want you.

10. No sense of humor. This is a big one. Life is too short not to laugh. I want inside jokes with my guy.