I WANT TO RUN AWAY...
but where would I go?
I feel trapped. That is the best word I can come up with to describe the pit in my stomach coupled with my inner struggle of wanting to run far, far away or just climbing in bed and hiding for a long while.
Monday, October 7, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Believe
BElieve was the theme of this year's Women of Faith Conference. It was the God reality check that I needed right now.
The first night the speaker, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke to us (7,000 women) about dealing with conflict. Insightful.
Conflict occurs when we feel exposed or opposed. Of course - the feelings that accompany conflict need to go somewhere; in form of a reaction.
4 Types or Reactions to Conflict:
1. The Exploder.
The Exploder blames others. It is OK to address the issues at hand, but don't attack. We have a moment to choose our reaction. We need to capture the moment and pause before reacting.
2. The Exploder that Shames Himself.
During this reaction, the person asks himself, "What is my problem?" Bring the issue into perspective in the brief moment before the reaction.
3. The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
This person will back off a relationship when there is a conflict and build a wall or barrier. If this is your common reaction to conflict, you must establish boundaries and let go of pretending you are fine; everything is fine.
4. Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks.
This reaction want to prove he/she is right and should ask himself, "Am I proving that I am right or am I improving a relationship?"
Our world would be a better place of we ALL just took the brief moment we are given before our reaction and paused and put the issue in front of us into perspective...took a deep breath, thought about our reaction, asked for God's help...AND THEN reacted.
The first night the speaker, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke to us (7,000 women) about dealing with conflict. Insightful.
Conflict occurs when we feel exposed or opposed. Of course - the feelings that accompany conflict need to go somewhere; in form of a reaction.
4 Types or Reactions to Conflict:
1. The Exploder.
The Exploder blames others. It is OK to address the issues at hand, but don't attack. We have a moment to choose our reaction. We need to capture the moment and pause before reacting.
2. The Exploder that Shames Himself.
During this reaction, the person asks himself, "What is my problem?" Bring the issue into perspective in the brief moment before the reaction.
3. The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
This person will back off a relationship when there is a conflict and build a wall or barrier. If this is your common reaction to conflict, you must establish boundaries and let go of pretending you are fine; everything is fine.
4. Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks.
This reaction want to prove he/she is right and should ask himself, "Am I proving that I am right or am I improving a relationship?"
Our world would be a better place of we ALL just took the brief moment we are given before our reaction and paused and put the issue in front of us into perspective...took a deep breath, thought about our reaction, asked for God's help...AND THEN reacted.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
BFF
I miss my BFF.
Let me tell you how we met - it is so us. We both lived in Chestnut Hills apartments. My mom called it a shit hole, but I loved it. It was quiet, it felt safe and it was cheap. My rent 15 years ago when I moved to Kansas City was $385 a month!
One day in the fine establishment where we lived (complete exaggeration) - there was a blackout in the middle of the day - in the summer - on a weekend. You may think this is not a big deal. It is when all residents must exit the building (tower) using the fire escape and most residents are on oxygen (which they are no longer able to use due to lack of electricity) and too old to use the fire escape.
The girl across the hall and I open our doors at the same time and literally bumped into each other. Hi. I am Krista. I'm Stacie. Want to go to Target? Yes. And friendship at first site.
We passed all of the hot firemen in the dark hallway helping the geriatrics get to the fire escape to head to Target. We wandered our favorite store in the air conditioning, bought flip-flops for the apartment pool that only we used and headed back to our apartment building fast friends.
15 years later she is married with three kids and I am single again. We have been through a lot together over the years. I miss being able to walk across the hall and talk to her at any time. Chestnut Hills was indeed a shit hole, but it will always hold a special place in my heart because of the the dear friend I met there.
Let me tell you how we met - it is so us. We both lived in Chestnut Hills apartments. My mom called it a shit hole, but I loved it. It was quiet, it felt safe and it was cheap. My rent 15 years ago when I moved to Kansas City was $385 a month!
One day in the fine establishment where we lived (complete exaggeration) - there was a blackout in the middle of the day - in the summer - on a weekend. You may think this is not a big deal. It is when all residents must exit the building (tower) using the fire escape and most residents are on oxygen (which they are no longer able to use due to lack of electricity) and too old to use the fire escape.
The girl across the hall and I open our doors at the same time and literally bumped into each other. Hi. I am Krista. I'm Stacie. Want to go to Target? Yes. And friendship at first site.
We passed all of the hot firemen in the dark hallway helping the geriatrics get to the fire escape to head to Target. We wandered our favorite store in the air conditioning, bought flip-flops for the apartment pool that only we used and headed back to our apartment building fast friends.
15 years later she is married with three kids and I am single again. We have been through a lot together over the years. I miss being able to walk across the hall and talk to her at any time. Chestnut Hills was indeed a shit hole, but it will always hold a special place in my heart because of the the dear friend I met there.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Another one bites the dust.
So I went on a few dates with the same guy. And now it is over.
But I am not sad. First of all I ended it - but most importantly, I saw the red flags and didn't try to fix him or the relationship...I just let it go.
I wish him well. I didn't let enough time to go on to be invested. I wish I could have learned this 20 years ago. I am truly trying to live my 2013 word - COMPASSION with boundaries. I am not here to fix or take on everyone I want to be in a relationship with. I only need to decide if I want to accept them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship and if I want them to be an integral part of my life.
This is a beautiful thing.
But I am not sad. First of all I ended it - but most importantly, I saw the red flags and didn't try to fix him or the relationship...I just let it go.
I wish him well. I didn't let enough time to go on to be invested. I wish I could have learned this 20 years ago. I am truly trying to live my 2013 word - COMPASSION with boundaries. I am not here to fix or take on everyone I want to be in a relationship with. I only need to decide if I want to accept them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship and if I want them to be an integral part of my life.
This is a beautiful thing.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Dating is for the birds.
Over the years I have read the following books:
Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus
He's Just Not That Into You
The Secret
Men Love Bitches
....and more I am sure
I could write a book. Not that it would be helpful in any way as far as advice goes, but I do think it would make single women in their 40s breathe a sigh of relief that they are not alone in this craziness married people refer to as "dating" on our behalf. There are so many people/magazines/tv shows/etc. giving so many pieces of different advice on what to do and not do on dates and in relationships that I can't tell if the men I meet are dysfunctional because they just are or because of all the bad advice they receive:
Wait 3 days to call after the date. Text 20 times or not interested. Texting 20 times in a day means he is a stalker. Talking to his ex-wife means he is healthy. Talking to his ex-wife means he still wants to be with her. Pay for your own first date. Pay if you ask him to meet you. Don't pay, it's offensive. He needs to make plans with you at least 4 days in advance. Don't answer the phone on the first ring.
WHO MADE UP THESE RULES? DID THEY SERIOUSLY WORK FOR YOU?
Here's my advice. Get on your knees. Ask God for what you really want. Describe in detail the partner you want in your life. And thank Him for creating such a person for you.
Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus
He's Just Not That Into You
The Secret
Men Love Bitches
....and more I am sure
I could write a book. Not that it would be helpful in any way as far as advice goes, but I do think it would make single women in their 40s breathe a sigh of relief that they are not alone in this craziness married people refer to as "dating" on our behalf. There are so many people/magazines/tv shows/etc. giving so many pieces of different advice on what to do and not do on dates and in relationships that I can't tell if the men I meet are dysfunctional because they just are or because of all the bad advice they receive:
Wait 3 days to call after the date. Text 20 times or not interested. Texting 20 times in a day means he is a stalker. Talking to his ex-wife means he is healthy. Talking to his ex-wife means he still wants to be with her. Pay for your own first date. Pay if you ask him to meet you. Don't pay, it's offensive. He needs to make plans with you at least 4 days in advance. Don't answer the phone on the first ring.
WHO MADE UP THESE RULES? DID THEY SERIOUSLY WORK FOR YOU?
Here's my advice. Get on your knees. Ask God for what you really want. Describe in detail the partner you want in your life. And thank Him for creating such a person for you.
My Peace video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY - See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
I wrote this piece on PEACE for a sermon series (my idea) and my talented friend, Steve Grimm, created the video. Very therapeutic. Everyone should choose a word for the year. And I encourage you to find inner peace. It is a journey. A life long journey that is worth the trip. I have a long way to go, but my steps have been deliberate and freeing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.LALxZAPt.dpuf
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.LALxZAPt.dpuf
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Deal Breakers
Deal Breakers. What are your deal breakers? We all have them.
In relationships, I would say smoking, cheating, and lying would be in my top five for sure. But I am sure there are more. I would want my life partner to carry his weight financially too. Oh - and number one on my list - not being a Christian - huge deal breaker.
What is truly amazing to me is that there are no deal breakers with God. It's hard to wrap my brain around really. God loves us so much that nothing we do is a deal breaker for Him. He doesn't quit us because of a habit or a sin or a shortcoming. Wow.
Deal breakers don't have to define us. They can simply be preferences that guide us in decisions we make. We can strive to be more Christ-like.
Thank you, God, for loving all of me, for who I am, every single minute of every single day.
In relationships, I would say smoking, cheating, and lying would be in my top five for sure. But I am sure there are more. I would want my life partner to carry his weight financially too. Oh - and number one on my list - not being a Christian - huge deal breaker.
What is truly amazing to me is that there are no deal breakers with God. It's hard to wrap my brain around really. God loves us so much that nothing we do is a deal breaker for Him. He doesn't quit us because of a habit or a sin or a shortcoming. Wow.
Deal breakers don't have to define us. They can simply be preferences that guide us in decisions we make. We can strive to be more Christ-like.
Thank you, God, for loving all of me, for who I am, every single minute of every single day.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Compassion Check In
Half of 2013 is over so it is time to check on my Power of One Word - COMPASSION. For those of you who need to be brought up to speed - each year instead of a New Year's Resolution, I choose a word to guide me for the year. I pray about this word, I look for the word in my everyday life, I try to live by the word.
Past words have been Cleanse, Joy, Peace and now Compassion. God helps me choose my word for the year...and He makes me work for my word.
Compassion is more complicated than you think. Yes, I serve others and I serve God. What I struggle with is knowing how much concern to show for others; how much to help; how much to give to God; when to let go. I am a compassionate person. It makes me who I am. It also can consume me and cause me pain. It is my word this year so I can have compassion with balance. Be merciful. Have compassion with grace.
It is July and I am learning to be compassionate with boundaries - to show love, concern and to help others without losing a piece of myself. It is hard for me. I am not completely there yet and the truth is - I probably never will be.
If being too compassionate is my biggest obstacle today...I'll take it. Wink.
Past words have been Cleanse, Joy, Peace and now Compassion. God helps me choose my word for the year...and He makes me work for my word.
Compassion is more complicated than you think. Yes, I serve others and I serve God. What I struggle with is knowing how much concern to show for others; how much to help; how much to give to God; when to let go. I am a compassionate person. It makes me who I am. It also can consume me and cause me pain. It is my word this year so I can have compassion with balance. Be merciful. Have compassion with grace.
It is July and I am learning to be compassionate with boundaries - to show love, concern and to help others without losing a piece of myself. It is hard for me. I am not completely there yet and the truth is - I probably never will be.
If being too compassionate is my biggest obstacle today...I'll take it. Wink.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Let go, Let God
There is a reason people say, "Let go, let God." It is a nice way of saying, "Get over yourself. This thing you are worried about is too big for you. Hand it over to someone that can help you. God."
I am a worrier. I blame my dad. It is in my DNA thanks to him. My sister inherited it too. We can worry ourselves sick if you let us. We are not allowed to worry about the same things at the same time because we are each others "one" - the one person that brings the big (or small) worry into perspective for the other one.
I seem to have lots of worries these days. I am doing my best to give them to God. I am thankful I am not His Project Manager for the requests He receives - especially since mine seem so petty compared to so many other things in the world around me. Of course I remind myself of my blessings, the gifts in my life, the amazing people that surround me. I know, I know.
So if I blog about it, it must be true. I will do a better job of letting my worries not consume me and asking God for help.
Here's to Letting Go and Letting God!
I am a worrier. I blame my dad. It is in my DNA thanks to him. My sister inherited it too. We can worry ourselves sick if you let us. We are not allowed to worry about the same things at the same time because we are each others "one" - the one person that brings the big (or small) worry into perspective for the other one.
I seem to have lots of worries these days. I am doing my best to give them to God. I am thankful I am not His Project Manager for the requests He receives - especially since mine seem so petty compared to so many other things in the world around me. Of course I remind myself of my blessings, the gifts in my life, the amazing people that surround me. I know, I know.
So if I blog about it, it must be true. I will do a better job of letting my worries not consume me and asking God for help.
Here's to Letting Go and Letting God!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
50th
Happy 50th Wedding Anniversary, Aunt Elsie and Uncle Bob!
50 years! That is remarkable. I wish my mom was there to celebrate with her sister, but she was looking down on the party, smiling (and talking with her hands).
I truly cannot imagine spending 50 years with another person. I am too old for that now anyway. I don't plan on marrying someone this year or living until I am 90 or older. But seriously...50 whole years in the same living quarters with another person. Honestly, I don't think it is in me.
Aunt Elsie and Uncle Bob looked really happy. I loved sharing and listening to stories. They are a living legacy. I am proud to say I celebrated a 50th wedding anniversary. It doesn't happen as often as it should these days.
I think we should rename Wylie Park after them - Weigel Park it is. Aberdeen, SD.
50 years! That is remarkable. I wish my mom was there to celebrate with her sister, but she was looking down on the party, smiling (and talking with her hands).
I truly cannot imagine spending 50 years with another person. I am too old for that now anyway. I don't plan on marrying someone this year or living until I am 90 or older. But seriously...50 whole years in the same living quarters with another person. Honestly, I don't think it is in me.
Aunt Elsie and Uncle Bob looked really happy. I loved sharing and listening to stories. They are a living legacy. I am proud to say I celebrated a 50th wedding anniversary. It doesn't happen as often as it should these days.
I think we should rename Wylie Park after them - Weigel Park it is. Aberdeen, SD.
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