Stacie's Randoms: September 2013

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Believe

BElieve was the theme of this year's Women of Faith Conference. It was the God reality check that I needed right now.

The first night the speaker, Lysa Terkeurst, spoke to us (7,000 women) about dealing with conflict. Insightful.

Conflict occurs when we feel exposed or opposed. Of course - the feelings that accompany conflict need to go somewhere; in form of a reaction.

4 Types or Reactions to Conflict:

1. The Exploder.
The Exploder blames others. It is OK to address the issues at hand, but don't attack. We have a moment to choose our reaction. We need to capture the moment and pause before reacting.

2. The Exploder that Shames Himself.
During this reaction, the person asks himself, "What is my problem?" Bring the issue into perspective in the brief moment before the reaction.

3. The Stuffer Who Builds Barriers
This person will back off a relationship when there is a conflict and build a wall or barrier. If this is your common reaction to conflict, you must establish boundaries and let go of pretending you are fine; everything is fine.

4. Stuffer Who Collects Retaliation Rocks.
This reaction want to prove he/she is right and should ask himself, "Am I proving that I am right or am I improving a relationship?"

Our world would be a better place of we ALL just took the brief moment we are given before our reaction and paused and put the issue in front of us into perspective...took a deep breath, thought about our reaction, asked for God's help...AND THEN reacted.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

BFF

I miss my BFF.

Let me tell you how we met - it is so us. We both lived in Chestnut Hills apartments. My mom called it a shit hole, but I loved it. It was quiet, it felt safe and it was cheap. My rent 15 years ago when I moved to Kansas City was $385 a month!

One day in the fine establishment where we lived (complete exaggeration) - there was a blackout in the middle of the day - in the summer - on a weekend. You may think this is not a big deal. It is when all residents must exit the building (tower) using the fire escape and most residents are on oxygen (which they are no longer able to use due to lack of electricity) and too old to use the fire escape.

The girl across the hall and I open our doors at the same time and literally bumped into each other. Hi. I am Krista. I'm Stacie. Want to go to Target? Yes. And friendship at first site.

We passed all of the hot firemen in the dark hallway helping the geriatrics get to the fire escape to head to Target. We wandered our favorite store in the air conditioning, bought flip-flops for the apartment pool that only we used and headed back to our apartment building fast friends.

15 years later she is married with three kids and I am single again. We have been through a lot together over the years. I miss being able to walk across the hall and talk to her at any time. Chestnut Hills was indeed a shit hole, but it will always hold a special place in my heart because of the the dear friend I met there.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Another one bites the dust.

So I went on a few dates with the same guy. And now it is over.

But I am not sad. First of all I ended it - but most importantly, I saw the red flags and didn't try to fix him or the relationship...I just let it go.

I wish him well. I didn't let enough time to go on to be invested. I wish I could have learned this 20 years ago. I am truly trying to live my 2013 word - COMPASSION with boundaries. I am not here to fix or take on everyone I want to be in a relationship with. I only need to decide if I want to accept them for who they are and what they bring to the relationship and if I want them to be an integral part of my life.

This is a beautiful thing.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Dating is for the birds.

Over the years I have read the following books:
Men Are From Mars,Women Are From Venus
He's Just Not That Into You
The Secret
Men Love Bitches
....and more I am sure

I could write a book. Not that it would be helpful in any way as far as advice goes, but I do think it would make single women in their 40s breathe a sigh of relief that they are not alone in this craziness married people refer to as "dating" on our behalf. There are so many people/magazines/tv shows/etc. giving so many pieces of different advice on what to do and not do on dates and in relationships that I can't tell if the men I meet are dysfunctional because they just are or because of all the bad advice they receive:

Wait 3 days to call after the date. Text 20 times or not interested. Texting 20 times in a day means he is a stalker. Talking to his ex-wife means he is healthy. Talking to his ex-wife means he still wants to be with her. Pay for your own first date. Pay if you ask him to meet you. Don't pay, it's offensive. He needs to make plans with you at least 4 days in advance. Don't answer the phone on the first ring.

WHO MADE UP THESE RULES? DID THEY SERIOUSLY WORK FOR YOU?

Here's my advice. Get on your knees. Ask God for what you really want. Describe in detail the partner you want in your life. And thank Him for creating such a person for you.

My Peace video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY
- See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_profilepage&v=HwzFOFLM1sY - See more at: http://www.jimpreisig.com/my-blog/2013/08/page/2/#sthash.rIbQpKlV.dpuf

I wrote this piece on PEACE for a sermon series (my idea) and my talented friend, Steve Grimm, created the video. Very therapeutic. Everyone should choose a word for the year. And I encourage you to find inner peace. It is a journey. A life long journey that is worth the trip. I have a long way to go, but my steps have been deliberate and freeing.