Save the Drunk Dial Drama for Your Mama

Drunk dialing. I loved those calls in my early 30s from my friend Dave. He called me after a night out and professed his undying love for me, "I love you, Stace. I think we should date." Which I would always reply the same way, "You know I love ya Dave. Let's see if you remember this call tomorrow." He would promise he would and I would laugh and wish him a good night. I would always get a follow-up call the next day. Dave would ask me how big of an ass he was and I would just say it was good to hear from him. Truth is it was endearing. He was just touching base.

This new guy, now history, in his mid-forties could learn from my dear friend Dave.

Went out with New/history guy a couple of times. Liked him, but he was too busy with pending relocation and so I wished him the best of luck and we went our separate ways. Then I received a text saying he missed me. He needed to see me. That night. And then the next text was offensive (unlike him) so I picked up the phone. He was intoxicated beyond belief. In his drunken stupor he decided to tell his pals that he met me and didn't have time for me (such a sad story!) so they decided it would be fun to text me on his behalf. And HE LET THEM. He calls me back. I didn't take the call. He said he would think of me and pray for me. The whole experience was humiliating. He should be embarrassed. Still no apology from him. Coward.

If the Shoe Fits...

Do you ever buy shoes that don't quite fit because they are adorable and you have to have them? YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM?

Are buying shoes like dating men?

The shoe is not a perfect fit. In fact, it hurts to wear for long periods of time. It doesn't match much in my closet. But I do have fun when I am wearing it at times...

What am I really saying here.

I think I tend to try to make a shoe (guy) fit me when there is maybe not a true fit because there are so many things I like about the shoe (gentleman) - initially at least. I celebrate this revelation because I do have a lot of shoes (literally), but seriously because I am noticing red flags earlier. And I think it is fine to date not-perfect-fits for awhile as long as I walk away when it is time to walk away.

Maybe it's time for a new kind of shoes: BOOTS (and a real man to go with them).

Great Expectations

Expectations... if they are too low I am setting myself up for disappointment. If they are too high I will probably get hurt. If I didn't have any at all, I would be brilliant. Someone show me the way!

A wise woman gave me some solid advice about managing my expectations. She reminded me that a tiger is a beautiful animal, but not if I want it to be a pet in my home; I cannot change the tiger to meet those kind of expectations. I would be imposing on the tiger. And that makes sense to me. What I can't wrap my brain around is when a person doesn't meet my expectations when it comes to honesty or cheating. I don't think my expectations are too high. I think they are normal. The wise woman says that they are high expectations if dishonesty and cheating are in the person's make-up and character and I am trying to change him (her). This whole concept blows me away.

I am all about accepting people for who they are, right? Then why am I getting this expectations thing all mixed up? I am going to make a concentrated effort to manage my expectations. Maybe I will start with a new long distance friendship that is developing in my life. I have no expectations. I sincerely want to just get to know this person. The wise woman I mentioned earlier says that women don't get to know enough men...we settle for one too fast.

Here's to no expectations and getting to know more men.

Shimmy-shimmy-cocoa-pop

So I finally saw the band The Zeros. Loved them. I had so much fun dancing - although there was not much room to dance...which led me to invent my new move: the shimmy-shimmy-cocoa-pop.

This man, a stage five clinger, to quote the wedding crashers movie, kept coming up behind me and dancing way too close. And it was not welcomed. If I am going to dirty dance with you, I have to want to. He did not make the list. So my move was invented. I literally shimmied out of his arms, to the music and got lost in the crowd. Genius. If I say so myself.

Stereotypes Step Aside

I like NASCAR. There I said it. I own it.

I love being at the track on race day.  I actually get stressed out when my driver isn't doing well or has a bad pit stop (see - I know the lingo!).

It all started when the speedway came to Kansas. My dad and his best friend wanted to see a race so I got us tickets and we went. I picked a driver that day - Jimmie Johnson #48 - and he's been my driver ever since. He happens to be my dad's favorite driver too. Jimmie took 5th place that day and won the Sprint Cup that year. I have been hooked ever since.

And yes - I attended the race this past weekend. The Kansas Speedway has a new surface with higher degree turns on 2 and 4. It was exciting with a record amount of cautions (wrecks)! Last year I went to the race by myself...and loved it. Someone actually asked me if I was Jimmie Johnson's wife! I almost kissed the man, but instead I graciously just answered no and whispered "I wish" under my breath. That made my day.

The actually point of my blog is this. There are a lot of stereotypes about NASCAR, NASCAR drivers, NASCAR fans, etc. Until you have BEEN TO A RACE, you may want to hold off on the stereotyping, put them on pause and actually check one out. You will be amazed.

These are things I bet you didn't know if you have never experienced NASCAR race in real life:

• NASCAR Drivers are some of the most selected celebrities by MakeAWish kids - and they are wonderful with the children before the races.
• There is always respect paid to the military/armed forces before the race.
• There is always a beautiful prayer said before the drivers get in their cars.
• There is usually a fly over during the Star Spangled Banner (and teary fans)
• During Driver Introductions there are always Drivers giving checks to charities/foundations

I am just saying... give it a whirl. You will be pleasantly surprised. If this Banana Republic/Ann Taylor-wearing, vodka martini-drinking, church-attending/God-fearing, sushi-loving, girly--girl can dig it...so can you!

Tears in a Bottle

Today I heard on the radio (K-Love) that God has a bottle full of my tears and that some day my bottle will be empty. When I join Him. No more tears will fall.

I look forward to no more tears. But the idea that God catches all of my tears and keeps them, saves every drop of water that has fallen over the years; tears representing sadness and joys. It is overwhelming, yet I feel treasured.

Do you remember the last time someone wiped a tear from your face? Was it a friend, a parent, a loved one, a child, a significant other? Or did you just let the tears fall from your face the last time you cried because there was no one there to wipe them and you couldn't bear the thought of wiping your own tears one more time?

The thought of God catching my tears in a bottle is comforting. Loving. Forgiving. Understanding. Unconditional. Compassionate. Peaceful.

I want a piece of heaven on earth. Someone to wipe away my tears until no more tears fall.

Fresh Start

You can have a fresh start any day you choose. START.

For those from my generation this is for you, "Wonder twin powers activate, in form of... a FRESH START.   

Why do I need a fresh start? I do.
I am not complaining about my life. I am simply saying RESTART. JUMP START. LET'S START. Just Start.

Some people have mid-life crises. They are heartbreaking to watch. I'll pass on having one of those. Seriously. PASS. The first one I witnessed scarred me. It was my algebra teacher in High School. Mr. H had one. He divorced his wife of many years, bought a red sports car, and married a student in my school. She came into the classroom one day and asked Mr. H if he had done her homework. He hadn't. She threw a box of compasses at him, left our classroom and proceeded to get in a girl-fight right outside of the classroom. Classy to have to put your wife in detention.

I have seen more mid-life crisis' as of late in the form of affairs and divorce. Sadness. I don't want to be mixed up in any of that. My invisible shield is up. Keep all mid-life crisis crap away from this girl. I have survived and risen above way too much these past few years to be knocked back down by others' brokenness and baggage. We all have it...but GET THROUGH it; get your own FRESH START too. It's only fair.

This is what I want MY fresh start to look like: an unexpected new relationship with a man of character, who is funny, would enjoy some weekend get aways....and that is only the beginning of the story of my fresh start. BEGIN.

Ask And You Shall Receive

The last serious relationship I was in ended badly... to say the least.

I was in love. Perhaps the notion that I was in love with the idea of being in love is probably more accurate. It was my first relationship since my mom died and my divorce.  I thought this man was a gift. There were red flags. I tend to be attracted to the broken. But I would love him more! So I said a prayer each night to God: if this is not the man for me - show me; take him away. God had to show me BIG. Nothing small would do. One day He walked me right over to the man's house and I walked in on him having "relations" with a married women. I left. Got in my car and right then and there thanked God for showing me what I needed to know.

God has taken care of me since then too. Just tonight I was at happy hour and met Dan. Dan was handsome (beautiful blue eyes) and charming. We talked for awhile and then it was time for him to go and he didn't ask for my number. He did ask if I'd be at October Fest later in the evening, but not for my contact information. I was a little disappointed; I thought we connected.  As soon as he left, Ron, a regular, asked what I thought of Dan. I told him that I had just met him. Ron asked if I gave him my number and I replied that I had not. Ron told me that Dan had severe anger issues and gave me examples of situations he had witnessed. Relief came over me. Again, I thanked God that he protected me from another potentially bad situation.

So for infinity and beyond: God, if this man is not for me, show me; take him away.

Peace on earth

Each year instead of a New Year's Resolution I choose a word; a word I try to live by, achieve, pray about, desire for myself. October is around the corner. I reflect on my 2012 word.

Peace.

Inner peace. Peace with God. Peace with myself. Peace of mind.

One thing I have learned these past few years is that when I select a word - God makes me work for it; 2010 was cleanse and 2011 was joy. I misplaced my joy and learned a hard lesson last year. I tried to find joy through another human being instead of through God first and then myself. Not only did I fall hard, I kept going back for more. There was no joy until I figured out where unconditional love really comes from and that is the only place true joy really exists.

 As for peace, I am curious to see how the year will end. I tend to have high expectations, be full of hope and have full-on faith about relationships, job stuff, friendships...all things really... and then get really disappointed by someone or something and crash. This does not bring inner peace. I love my faith in people and love is always restored, but my heart is getting tired.

I am letting go, letting God, and letting peace of mind take over. He has a plan for me. And it is good.

Sleeping single in a double bed

I think I had Barbara Mandrell's 8-track with that song on it in the 70's. Sleeping single in a double bed. I had no idea what I was singing. Barbara was my hero. And my first concert.

Now I know what that means...yes I do. 

When I was married I slept on the right side of the bed. I don't remember why. Maybe he preferred the left? Is the man supposed to be closer to the door for safety? Funny how I was the one to check out the noises. Now I sleep on the left side. I am still checking out the noises.  Actually - to be honest I sleep diagonally. I take up the whole bed.

Why not?

I think for the right man I can shut the diagonal off...and sleep in the middle.

swimsuit envy

Today I went to Blue Springs Beach off Lakewood Boulevard. I wasn't aware Blue Springs had a beach!?!

It is Labor Day and it is the first time all summer that I put on swimsuit (yikes!). Why the fear? Why the trepidation? Let's all swim in pants! I saw it today. Actually I saw lots today. I am not feeling as bad about the swimsuit issue.

Too bad it's Labor Day and all the pools and lakes are now closed for the year just as I got my courage.  I will try to start earlier next year and maybe do a few sit-ups.

I'd stop the world and melt with you.

My want ad.

A man of character. True to himself and true to others.
Sense of humor. Abilty to laugh at himself and belly laugh with me. I mean really laugh.
Smile. I want to catch him smiling for no reason. And I want my face to hurt from smiling because of him.
Christian. A man to walk with me in my faith. Lead me at times. Follow me at other times. Pray with me at all times.


...maybe U2 says it best, "I still haven't found what I am looking for..."

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

Have you ever met someone and thought I should be with him?

And to your instant displeasure you find out he is dating someone else? Ugh. This has recently happened to me. I met this charming man, felt an instant attraction and then learned he was dating someone. I went on my way. It has been weeks and I can't stop thinking about him. 

Is it because he is with another? Maybe. But I don't think so. 

The other three women that were with me when I met him noticed the connection too. But did he?

Respectful me says leave it alone. Sassy me says call it out; make him at least think about options. Hopeful me thinks my friends will help. Silly me thinks Matt should just come to his senses himself.

Sassy and Silly prevail. 

I'll have what she's having...

Can men and women be friends?

I'd like to think so. One of my all time favorite movies is When Harry Met Sally and they debate that question throughout the entire movie. Some of my favorite friends over the years have been men. They are honest creatures....when they communicate. And they can get away with saying a lot more than women can...especially if they smell good.

There is a double standard, but I will be the first to admit that I can take "you looked better without the bangs" from a guy probably better than from some gals. Why is that?

I love my girlfriends. I cherish them. But there are times that I wish I had more guy friends. Guy friends that I knew for sure would never want to be more than friends. And that wouldn't ditch me as soon as they fell in love. I want to go to sporting events with them. And ask them the same questions I ask my girlfriends and hear the different advice they would give me.

This all only happens in the movies, right?

Yes - I suppose men and women can be friends.





(When they are married and both husbands like both wives, at least one has a grill to BBQ, and they all golf, and have matching Hawaiian shirts)

His love for me is SCANDALOUS

I heard somewhere that God's love for me is scandalous.
I love it!
And quite frankly someones love has to be...thank you, God.

I have gone out of Stacie Comfort Zone and gone on a few dates these past few months with different men (I know, I know...scandalous). These men are not right for me but have shown me that these past years of pain have been filled with teaching moments and growth for me. I am not completely free of being attracted to the broken quite yet, but I am much better at recognizing red flags, getting the uh-oh feelings much sooner and knowing when to say hell no.

There are things I need to work on. And I am and I will. But there are things I still don't understand (and I guess these things make me judging - a word I despise). So men, specifically those of you I have dated since January or perhaps am still dating - these questions/thoughts are for you:

Why do you say you are going to call at a specific time and then don't? Do you mean to and honestly forget or am I just that unimportant? I work with real business men and women every day. Do you think I can't handle an honest conversation about us not dating anymore? Get over yourself. I don't have time for games...except for real games like cards or Clue or Twister if your so inclined.

Kids. Lets get something straight right now. I love kids. I thought I would have kids. I don't. I understand (I really do, you don't have to break it down for me) that time with your children is important and a priority. Please just tell me when you'd like to spend time with me. I am a planner and a little bit of a worrier - don't keep me guessing. If you didn't want to be with your kids...I probably wouldn't want to be with you!

One night stands and friends with benefits. I thought I could do both and turns out I can do neither. Sorry to disappoint if that is what you were looking for in me.

I can only be me...but I need to let you be you.